DanieL ChiP

2010-09-10T02:19:00.001+08:00

no smoke. no drink. no company.
i need to just stop and let go.
of everything i am trying to hold on to now.

STOP!!!

2010-09-09T00:24:00.001+08:00

depressed.
i need time out. and a smoke to complement it.

2010-05-05T16:28:00.000+08:00

I feel so blessed... that it is beyond description.
This must be the first time I cried on my birthday.

May babies have usually been the ill-fated ones. The lucky ones suffer the fate of having post-birthday celebrations. The not-so-lucky ones suffer the fate of being forgotten. I must say I have been really lucky. I have been blessed with friends who remember. Although most of the celebrations have been post-birthday ones, they have been really good. There was the one with my primary school friends during my army days. That was memorable! And there was the one with the csc friends two years back (or was it three?). And last year's with the grad trip gang. And with the 4th mc at ubin - that was a surprise! I think I must count myself lucky to have had at least one memorable birthday celebration with each group of friends who matter.

This year my e4g7 aka hello family did it. the surprise was fun.! i got a bit worn out twds de end, trying to psycho myself tt laopa wasn't trying to do anything. who'd hv expected them to turn up at my doorstep.?! the fantabulous cake!!! and my geog hons friends. the cake was pure fun. and i love the present. i even feel guilty tt they spent so much on me. gosh. and my grad frens. foreign students. despite our differences, i'm glad we're a pretty close knitted bunch.

I am thankful for the pre-birthday celebrations. I know it probably won't happen again. I mean good things don't happen all the time right.? And I don't ask for more, really. I am cherishing every single good moment that has happened thus far. I'm honestly thankful for everything tt has happened. Argh. And I'm at a loss for words.

Life is good (discounting the thesis).

2010-04-30T04:07:00.001+08:00

it's either cry or smoke, or cry and smoke.

but... my eye glands have been locked up. there is this in-built mechanism developed over the years that doesn't allow me to cry as easily as i did in the past. and... i wan to smoke so badly. but there is yet another in-built mechanism (that's probably sado-masochistic in nature as well) that forbids me frm smoking in instances like these when i wan & need to smoke more than i feel like it.

why do i find myself treading back into familiar ground? why is it so difficult to pen down my arguments? what went wrong somewhere exactly? what and why is this happening to me? this thesis, yes, it is going to my death knell. :-(

2010-03-12T13:55:00.002+08:00

i had the sweetest dream ytd!

but now it's back to reality. ayez.

hahaha. your hand in mine and mine in yours. and there we standing, seeking Heaven's blessings. :-)

2010-03-02T02:02:00.000+08:00

sometimes when u initiate a conversation with another.
it is not so much of the topics covered that matters.
but rather the knowledge tt u still hv a fren to speak with.
and to speak of deep issues at length.
and maybe bcos... people r no longer accustomed to talk abt their probs.

internal conversations
might sometimes be the most therapeutic.

2009-12-21T03:14:00.000+08:00

i wish i can turn back the hands of time.
i really wondered what happened to me this sem.
i have not done anything constructive.
and now time is running out.

fieldwork in progress now.
as of now, i hv interviewed 3 PRC workers, 1 employer and 4 members of NGOs. it's just 10% of what i intended to start with! :-(

how how how?

2 x 8,000 word drafts to submit by end Jan. i am so totally screwed!

and what can be worse than reworking ur questions to find that the interviews done initially might all hv to be void?!?!

oh god. take a deep breath baby.

2009-11-13T03:45:00.000+08:00

If life is so bad, why can you not then just throw it away? Why do you have to keep holding on to it and suffer in silence? Why can't you just cast this life aside and start again somewhere else sometime later?

Some people say that you should try to speak your happiness into existence. By telling people you're happy, you're contented - you will eventually become happy and contented. But what sort of existence would that happiness and contentment be? Would it be in essence, or would it be in he contrived sense? If existence is contrived, can it even exist then?

2009-11-09T03:05:00.000+08:00

The heart has been scarred many times. Some of them were slashes. Others were just minor cuts. And bruises. And still, the boy stands there adjusting his heart around to ensure the ugly wounds are hidden from sight. How much longer can he hold? He has cried so much his entire life that he has not a single drop of tear left in him.

...And the smile will do what the tears failed to do :-)

2009-11-04T04:14:00.000+08:00

Being awake in the dead of the night allows you to confront difficulties, unattended feelings, and other miscellaneous stuff which you'd never be able to do during the day. Thoughts you'd never entertain, ideas you'd never even hv looked at. It is not because of the widely-accepted notion of the night being more conducive and allowing you to think better, clearer. It just liberates you from the straitjackets of everyday conformity and gives you the courage to explore boundaries which you'd never hv tried to during the day.

I happen to be the kind of person who believes that the people who attend my funeral should laugh. Play mahjong, play bridge, whatever. Perhaps I should make posters and have them plastered all over the parlour. After all, life and death are part and parcel of our existence in this world. It doesn't really matter that much. They are so intimately related actually. A perfectly healthy boy, bubbly and full of life, might just drop dead suddenly. Learn to be cool about it.

2009-10-16T12:49:00.002+08:00

its a general state of unhappiness when everything seems to be marred by this sense of dissatisfaction and u cant seem to rid yourself of it. :-(

for once, i confess, i wish i had a girlfriend. it makes things less complicated. :-(

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

2009-09-28T01:33:00.003+08:00

was glad to hv spoken to someone who made me see things from another perspective (finally!).

one of the things that has always been on my mind the past months is the possibility of doing a PhD after my masters (and trying means & ways to beg MOE to let me defer my bond). but now i am certain that it will not happen. if the PhD does happen, it will be after the bond. and if that happens, i am convinced that my experience at MOE will broaden my possibilities after the PhD too. :-)

right now i can only pray that my topic / idea remains safely guarded from the prying eyes of the academia, ready for me to take on (provided i wan to) in 5 years' time (including this second year of masters).

2009-09-11T22:30:00.001+08:00

"u know what? the worst thing we can ever do in life is to regret our actions. we should always look ahead to the future because wat's done can never be undone."

i remember these words vividly because they were exactly wat i told a fren a few yrs back. it was a kind of dictum which i thought i shld live my life with. i still remember my smile back then as i spoke those words.

yet when i am stuck in the same sort of situation, i find those words so utterly useless. so utterly distant. somehow they don't seem to apply - theories, dictums, principles, ideologies, whatever u hv - they don't apply in real life. how much more resilient can i stay? masters din seem like a very good idea after all. masters in nus, singapore.

juz the other day, i was talking about dreams to a fren. i was quite forthcoming - i said i hated life in singapore. overcrowding was a huge factor. i can't seem to find a spot where i can be alone for long anymore. i was telling that fren how i longed to head over to the countryside in the uk, and get a little plot of land with a little cottage. i could hv my own garden where i could grow my vegetables. i could hv my little hens roosting around. i'd probably get two dogs - golden retrievers. if space permits, a cow as well. what a carefree life that would be! to be free from the pressure to excel. to be free from everything and anything. juz me, my cottage, my little farm, and my dreams. an idyllic lifestyle. i could sell newspapers, for all i care, in a little town nearby. as long as i earn enough to feed myself.

sometimes i just wish i was a little smarter. i wish i was a little more hardworking. i wish i was a little less lazy. my thoughts and ideas are stagnating, and that, i hv to admit, aint the best thing that can happen to a person who hopes to acheive something.

2009-07-28T00:08:00.000+08:00

u spoke to me
u told me things
u made my mind go round n round
i'm so caught up with u

it's like u crept into my mind
unleashed ur sexiness
around my six senses
control has lost its grip on me
and i plunged in
without a care without worrying

or did i?
was i too cautious once again?
did rationality step in
and cast its lasso upon me?

i wish u missed u know
i wished u caught me.
but i wish u missed definitely
bcos all i want to do is to take dat plunge
into dat deep pool
of de unknown
of a territory unchartered
of a place unvisited

because u stole my heart
and i
gotta retrieve it back

2009-07-15T23:02:00.000+08:00

I told my mum I hope that my cousin would be able to find her mother in the nether world. Hopefully my aunt-in-law would be able to take care of her and guide her towards enlightenment so that she would be a better person in her next life.

My mum replied that she might not even be able to find her mother; after all, she took her own life and she would have to be put through obstacles.

Sigh.

May the teachings of Lord Buddha guide her towards a brighter & better future. Farewell cousin, and till we meet again. :-) I will always remember your smile.

2009-07-12T01:30:00.000+08:00

...And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together...

Your life is not just yours - it is the series of experiences & memories u've accumulated over time, which are also part of the series of experiences & memories others have accumulated. In other words your life is a part of others' lives. Taking away your own life equates to taking away a part of others' lives as well - which is probably the most selfish thing one can ever do.

Life is precious. Cherish it. Even if not for your own sake, please cherish it for others' sake.

2009-06-03T00:02:00.001+08:00

oh.

i passed my graduate research seminar.
and i got an A for that global cities.

the sem has finally concluded. time to move on.

2009-05-08T12:19:00.001+08:00

I AM SO DAMN FREAKING HAPPY BECAUSE I FINISHED MY MARKING AND THAT MEANS YEAR ONE SEMESTER TWO OF MY MASTERS' DEGREE IS OFFICIALLY OVER!
AFTER NINE 500-WORD, ONE 2000-WORD, ONE 6000-WORD, ONE 9000-WORD AND ONE 10,000-WORD PAPERS + TWO CONFERENCE AND ONE SEMINAR PRESENTATIONS + TWENTY FOUR HOURS OF TUTORIAL TEACHING, 220 MID-SEM TESTS AND 87 EXAM SCRIPTS OF MARKING, THIS HORRIBLE SEMESTER IS FINALLY OVER!!!

*DANCE*
*TAKE OFF CLOTHES*
*JUMP INTO THE DEEP BLUE SEA*

taiwan here i come!!!

2009-05-03T00:40:00.000+08:00

i dun like the way i am feeling now & i know i shldn't be feeling this way but i can't help the way i am feeling.

words alone cannot express hw i feel. sigh!

2009-04-30T00:22:00.000+08:00

this has been a bad mth.
twisted my ankle. rammed my index finger. jet-lagged. strained my muscles so much i can't even walk properly now. rammed my index toe. and now a stitched head.

血光之灾

will it get worse or will it all end here? will i even live past my 26th birthday?

negative energy at its max. dispel it, dispel it. it was already accumulating since sat when i realized there were no plans for my birthday again. i am so cheap. argh!

dispel the negative energy!!! stop sulking!!!

2009-04-18T11:48:00.002+08:00

fwah! juz one presentation and one 20pg paper and i will be done for the sem!
fwed! jiayou!

(ok i forgot abt de exams BUT they're not really of any consequence ba)
(oh sheesh, and de marking! yucks!)

2009-04-06T07:15:00.002+08:00

i think i tend to conflate things tgtr. afterall, i m a staunch believer of my own interdependency theory - that no one object / process can exist in isolation & independence. but my forte, i think, has always been zooming in on a particular issue and untangling it frm the web of mess it is stuck in, micro-analyzing & micro-managing.

i relish the blissful delightfulness, the rapturous ecstacy & sublime romanticism of being in love. yet i cringe, thinking of the social horrors that would probably envelope when the reality of that love sets in.

and my heart aches.

2009-04-02T04:53:00.000+08:00

back from vegas. good trip - got feedback on my paper which excited me for a lil', roamed parts of de sin city (tho could hv done more), visited de grand canyon etc.

BUT

kinda depressed nw - yes it is the stoopid jetlag. i'm sleeping at irregular hrs, which affects my classes (i was spacing out during tracey's class on tue & nearly fell asleep while teaching on wed); i get easily worn out - couldn't even get past one pg of reading (which is bad considering i hv a class later in de afternoon & i hv not finished a single reading outta de 4 designated ones, let alone write my 500word response); i speak incoherently & i hv groggy headaches. ARGH. worst of all, i suspect a fever is brewing - vegas was really too heaty liao. oh i hv mild rashes too. goodness!

BUT again, on de bright side i hv completed:
1) 10,000 word paper for "mobility in asia pacific" conference
2) presentation for the above conference
3) presentation for the aag (similar to the previous one, but much more refining - & am glad dat i got useful tips frm JJ & lina!)
4) ALL changing landscapes tutorials
5) IRB clearance for my research

nw only a lil' more to chiong:
1) 7000 word paper with brenda. will hv to finish by sunday & send to her by hook or by crook.
2) ONE more weekly response for global cities.
3) 20pg lit review for global cities.
4) presentation for global cities. not too difficult, i think.
5) presentation for grs. basically almost similar to global cities, i wld say.
6) 2000 word paper for grs. not gonna spend too much time on it though. 3 days, max.
7) half de midterm tests for changing landscape to mark. i am left with about half of dat half.

dats it for updates! woohoo!

2009-02-22T03:38:00.005+08:00

i saw some of the photos of my ex-classmates in NIE.

and i wonder if i'd hv been happier had i not chosen this route.
i'd definitely be happier with the NIE lot. b'cos sha's there. jelly's there. and aida. michelle. choonhon. and even faisal. ellis. sarah. shyuan. ain. rita. some of whom i wasn't very close with, but i suspect i'd be able to mingle ard n bond in time to come.

oh well.

at least in de midst of all these negativity, some happier things hv occurred. finally, i am on talking terms with my buddy again. in fact we're going hiking @ bukit timah this coming sat. with mr chong as well. feels like de good old days again. and i hope it is not a transient feeling.

2009-01-30T00:15:00.001+08:00

jan is almost over. i finally plucked up enough courage to list down wat i hv to do this sem.

1. weekly responses to all de readings for global cities. 500 words.
2. 20pg lit review (or whatever paper u wana do) for global cities. dat is abt 5000-6000 words.
3. presentation for global cities. i duno on what yet.
4. 30% exam for global cities. damn. exam again! and it's a day after my bdae. fish!!!
5. presentation for grs.
6. paper for grs. 2000 words.
7. 3 fortnightly tuts for changing landscape.
8. half of de midterm tests for changing landscape to mark
9. presentation for mobility in asia pacific conference
10. 8000 word for de same bloody conference. why did i do it!?
11. presentation for aag. where i will be spending one wk in lasvegas - de city of sin.
12. 7000 word paper i am co-authoring with brenda. shitz. i haven done anything yet.

all in all, almost 27,000 words in a single sem.
and those r just de more official stuff. i hv other things pending - applications for irb clearance, for sponsorships etc. one of which has been freaking me out. and dr noor's surveys which she has paid me for. i cannot not do them. damn again.

another angsty post again. january is an angsty mth.

well. i am learning. to smile. every morning. de moment i wake up. it kinda worked for two days. de rationale is dat no matter hw bad ur day gets, at least at de end of it, u can proudly claim dat u smiled at least once. ok. it sounds stupid. try it. i think it works. at de moment.

2009-01-15T02:31:00.001+08:00

anger knows no boundaries.
i scare even myself at times when i get angry & lose my temper.
for de past two days, i hv been so angry dat my tears evaporate de second they well in my eyes.

心中有佛

i need to restrain myself.
i can't control de words dat fly out of my mouth, especially the vulgarities.
and i hv a degree in spewing vulgarities.

阿弥陀佛

deep breath deep breath deep breath.

2009-01-11T03:34:00.000+08:00

今天我想起了你，总共想了十二遍。
也不知道爱与不爱的差距，到底该怎么去衡量。
痛说不上痛，遗憾说不上遗憾，或许无法归类的感觉才是最可悲的。

quick updates on life iii + ramblings

2008-12-26T00:33:00.000+08:00

haven done this in a while but i'll try my best, so here goes:

did 2 mods. passed! A- for both. not bad siah. haha. i was expecting B/B+ de. esp geog n social theory. de final research paper i got A wor! haha, so proud of myself.

did ta duties. enjoyed it. i think i'm more prepared for de coming sem (i hope). looking fwd to de reviews! i m a strict proj marker, but v.lenient exam marker. i tink who kena me v.heng loh, for exams. :-) wun do too badly de, although, also wun get A+ lah. haha. proj-wise had an unhappi experience. but well. it's over. no point thinking abt it.

met brenda. our paper might be published. woohoo. hv to refine it. i haven done anything abt it yet though. haha. i discussed stuff with her too - i think i kinda know where i am gg (or perhaps i dun). veri lost when it comes to mt nw. i tink de prob facing most of de others is veri different frm mine. cos my mt is a continuation of my ht. but i scared my mt still stuck in de shadow of my ht. it's quite hard to relate my prob to others cos i tink no one understands. & den at times when i tink abt stuff on public space, i realize dat maybe de whole notion of public space doesn't exist in singapore. wat is public is veri debatable in singapore. hw it is shaped by politics, policies, social norms etc. dat is de tricky part. & cosmopolitanism. geog is so behind when it comes to discussing abt cosmopolitanism. pple in sociology, political sci etc hv been theorizing abt it for ages. wat else can geog add to de development of de theory, other den grounding it? so u nid to noe abt geographic thought, geographic perspective. but wat is dat? spatial thinking? spatial perspective? is all these work on cosmopolitanism even relevant? it's all high level theorizing, but hw do we manifest it exactly on de ground? wat is de future of cosmopolitanism? hw does it work / fit into de asian contxt?

ok i am lost. i was s'posed to do an update. guess this is all. everything is floating in my head.

oh. and i will be heading to las vegas nxt mar. it's official. anyone wans to accompany me? i prefer guy, den can share room, cos currently i got no roommate. got one, but she's a girl. i am shy. haha.

oh. and mt got alota time to think n do anything n everything other den wat u're s'posed to do. i wan to check in to a monastry n learn more abt buddhist teachings. i feel so __________ (can't find de word to describe). i wan to move out, hv my own little pad. just a simple one. someone, help me!

lastly happy new year everyone.

let me.

2008-12-15T12:21:00.000+08:00

pls navigate away if u cannot stand vulgarities.

fuck. desktop monitor gone. heng got old one, still can use. reformat desktop, as advised by de technician. was ok. until nw. 3 days later. kena stop error again. fucking hell. nw manage to come in. but duno hw perenial dat fucking problem will be again. damn.

fuck again. laptop speaker spoil. i am quite sure dat is de case bcos when i plug my earphone i can listen! i can plug an external speaker in i tink. but wth. de service pple in hp request dat i do recovery etc, check here check there. damnit. den now. they wan me to reformat my freaking laptop. fuck lah. isn't it straightforward, dat my speaker is spoilt, and shldn't they bring it back to change my speaker instead. fuck fuck fuck. maybe i shld've asserted my stand. reformat liao, damn bloody sianz. hv to update this update dat. wtf.

fuck one last time. fucking weekend. smtimes i wish i was alone. no family. no friends. let me go n wander ard. be a loner. a lone traveller. whether i sleep on de street or i hv aids or i take drugs etc, i wun hv to bother anyone. and no one can come n bother me. fuck fuck fuck. let me. fuck!!!

2008-12-03T03:10:00.001+08:00

smtimes u might feel like screaming, baring your heart out to an audience who'd just sit back n listen n understand.

but hv u ever wondered if such an audience existed in the first place?

and... hv u ever wondered what happens if those secrets which u hv kept close to ur heart leaked out as a result of dat urge for ventilation?

u can nvr underestimate the depth of de hurt which these secrets can cost u.

2008-11-19T01:50:00.001+08:00

been on a sleeping rampage. it's just madness. and i dreamt...
of fantasies dat'll always remain as fantasies.
of hopes dat'll always remain as hopes.
of fears dat'll always remain as fears.
of dreams dat'll always remain as dreams.

smtimes dreams become so vivd dat u confuse them with reality. prophecies maybe? one of de most incomprehensible moments came when i almost called my phy geog fren to consult her on water bodies bcos i dreamt dat i had to present a paper on water bodies.

2008-10-31T00:10:00.000+08:00

dear frens.

i know i m very childish. but i really cannot take it anymore. i need your help.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=be_t20-KWe8

there's this guy universalsongster who condemned my idol, just bcos i was criticizing regine for her singing. i couldn't take it and ended up hvg a really long debate with him.

i nid your help, pls leave some comments, either in my favour, or neutral like wat rise17 and issei10 has done. and flag my comments up n flag universal's down.

i noe this is childish. but but but. sandy is my idol. my childhood idol. and he is obviously so engrossed in his own filipino world. equates filipino to asia. or damnit.

tis is de first time i get so perplexed over an argument in youtube - i did bicker with people before on mariah videos and what not, but yah, this is de first time. and it hits even closer to home cos its sandylam, and de chinese-pop world, and us chinese / asians other than filipinos for dat matter.

i sincerely make an appeal to u guys n girls (i noe its not a lot - my blog has been pretty pte) to help me out. pls. :-)

2008-10-19T01:20:00.000+08:00

I heart Sandy Lam.
as i was telling bestest, i can now die without regrets.

all de unhappiness has dispelled momentarily.
thank u bestest!

2008-10-11T01:30:00.000+08:00

de research paper dat tracey has set for us is pure madness. i kinda know where i m gg, & wat i m arguing abt, but it seems to be based on wat i tink, rather than wat i know. my reading & digesting speed is way too slow - things onli make sense to me after a very long deliberation. maybe i m stupid. watever it is, it has taken a toll on me, just trying to figure out wat tracey wants & hw my paper shld flow. sigh. and i hv to head back to writing a rationale for my choice of focus for de paper. which is another headache, hvg to justify wat u r doing. faint.

on another note, another thing dat pisses me off is people who hv no stand - they sit on de fence all de time, well almost. these people are just abhorrent. u might as well just die - ur life serves no purpose. and often these people are cowards. and selfish. argh. dun get me wrong - i m ok with sitting on de fence sometimes, occasionally, but not all de time. dats absolutely disgusting.

on yet another note, my friends couldn't stand my accent. i think it's bcos i hv talking dat way de entire day before i met them. oh well. people change. i might become a murderer tmr. dun trust me.

one last note. much as i claim to loathe the academia, i wonder if i will make a return in future. i must say dat despite de stress, i enjoy de perks of getting to jet ard de globe, meeting people from all over de world, observing them especially, and learning. and ur research actually validates ur existence, u noe. oh well.

quick updates on life ii

2008-09-30T00:58:00.000+08:00

wk4: got reaction paper back. bad grade. started on new bk "using social theory" - more prescriptive therefore easier to read. had tut - wasn't fantastic & spent a while reproaching my mthds. spent time at wedding. faint.

wk5: did research ppt. wasn't too bad. but lecturer's feedback was that i spoke too fast at times, hence she couldn't catch parts of wat i was saying. attended conference - cool but no papers were given, damnit. and to tink i paid damn $50! and received news dat prof din finish de paper. took over to write de entire paper. i couldn't understand her part at all. so i left it out. passed it back to her. din get to do my reaction paper. i even prepared my resources!

wk6: started to fall sick. even more last min work on paper. irritated to de max with frens whose first comments when hearing dat u are sick is "why u always sick ah?", "u always sick one!" etc. fuck man. as if i wanted?! u dun even appreciate de fact dat i made it for a freaking dinner when i very well coulda juz walked off. hello? i am not obliged to attend outings ok? i am even more NOT obliged to attend outings when i am not feeling well.

recess wk: got better, then worse. managed to recover in time for de workshop. had a good time (thank goodness!). BUT fell sick immed after. forced myself out to meet some other frens, regretted as soon as we left.

an ending note:
i am not obliged, i repeat, to attend outings. neither am i obliged to ur scrutiny. do not expect me to pander to all ur requests - i hate, and i repeat, i hate, hvg to report to someone my every move and action every other hr of de day. i cherish my freedom, i cherish my independence. i hate to be pushed, de more u push me, de more i will rebel, and de frenship will cease sooner or later. give me my space.

2008-09-23T01:23:00.002+08:00

people fear uncertainty.
if uncertainty is in fact a form of certainty, then why do people still fear it?

:-)

i'm happy. bcos i am almost no longer sick, i think. almost fully recovered.
i'm happy. bcos the tough times that i am going thru will make me a better man.
i'm happy. bcos of a certain someone who is coming to town, and with whom i am gg to meet soon.

:-p

2008-09-13T02:02:00.004+08:00

i can't fathom my existence in nus. research is such a complex thing - it's almost as if i am trying to make sense of a mess. is dat wat life is supposed to be - a mess too?

on a brighter note:
Fred, C.M. ONG is a Masters student and a research scholar majoring in Geography in the National University of Singapore (NUS). He was a recipient of the Singapore Journal of Tropical Geography Book Prize in 2007. He is interested in a wide array of topics including the politics of space, migration in Asian cities, cosmopolitan urbanism, issues of ethnicity and nationality and tourism geographies. Currently his research focuses on debates on public space, low-skilled migrant workers and cosmopolitan urbanism. More specifically he is investigating the attitudes and competencies of Singaporeans towards male migrant workers congregating within public spaces that have not been traditionally regarded as gathering places for these workers, and examining how these spatial perspectives relate to developments within cosmopolitanism studies.

oh. and i am still stuck with the paper. i am so gonna die.
well well. but even if i die, i wan to die with a smile. :-)

2008-09-01T12:42:00.003+08:00

ur bf/gf doesn't like pple to be late. so u make a conscious effort nvr to be late for ur dates. bcos u love him or her.

ur parents dun like u to go home late. do u make a conscious effort not to go home late, or do u justify ur going home late with reasons like "i need to send dear home", "i need to catch up with my friends -very long nvr meet liao leh"?
do u love ur parents?

*** ***

if a person's actions go against ur principles, u de-friend him/her.
if a person does something that is in accordance to ur principles, do u den friend him/her?

2008-08-28T03:46:00.002+08:00

quick update on my life

wk1: did half de readings for wk2 seminar. cleared abit of admin stuff.

wk2: rushed a reaction paper for wk3 seminar, hence finished only 1 reading. behind time by alot. met BY n discussed some thesis n ism issues. slacked some more. rushed out abstract for BY - oh n i m co-presenting a paper with her for conference! cool!

wk3: prep de snacks for seminar! behind time still, n haven caught up! elections coming up, entire wkend burnt. juz finished tut for changing landscapes. hv to finish my part of de co-paper by fri! omg!!!

2008-08-16T13:42:00.002+08:00

frenships r not static. they change.

i used to trust a fren. now i hv second thoughts talking to him, ever since an incident happened two mths back. it is very sad. i treasure de frenship, i realli do. but his actions - alota them lately - hv signaled to me one thing: i dun tink i can trust him as much as i did. i wish this wasn't happening, but it is.

u can be very close to certain people at certain junctures of ur life. yet u will drift away, no matter wat. so, as someone was sharing with me, perhaps we shld always maintain a comfortable distance from others. but i thought good frens hv no distance de? perhaps my conception of frens has always been wrong.

de world is selfish - it is, by nature. selfishness should not be seen as a flaw. it juz means dat u r beng natural.

2008-07-28T02:10:00.002+08:00

This week is going to be one of the most productive weeks since the holidays commenced! I am attending a conference on return migration in Asia. I will be meeting my supervisor finally to bounce some ideas off, and to guage roughly how I am going to make full use of these two years left. These will probably my final years of studying, and of research, because I don't think I will be pursuing my PHD after completing my bond. Four years is a long time in the academia, and a lot of developments could have taken place in your absence! I wouldn't want to have to pick up everything all over again! But then again, who knows? Nothing is for sure in this world!

Life after commencement has been good. Going out sporadically, spending time at home, slacking. I keep telling myself I deserve this. Ever since Year 1 when I joined CSC, I have never had a holiday like this. My first Dec holidays was spent on CSC Day 2005; subsequent ones involved 4th MC duties (VAT & CSC Chalet) and then SLP 2007 & 2008 preparations + thesis preparation). My May - July holidays have always been dedicated to Ethelonter (II, III & IV) and for the last May - July holidays, I attended a Field Studies module, joined GAW 2007 on top of supervising Ethelonter IV. By the time I handed in my thesis on 14th April 2008, I realli realli felt the urge to just relax and enjoy life. And I am glad I did. It seemed to have made me a better person. :-)

Let this be a good week, concluding with a photoshoot with a few of my CSC friends and possibly a visit to Singfest 2008 (I'm really tempted to go!)!

2008-07-16T00:50:00.001+08:00

此刻的我，可以说很快乐。
既然这股快乐很有可能就如流星般地划过我身边，但我还是很享受。
因为如此的快乐可不是每天所能遇见的。
而这种快乐也很有可能明早起来就蒸发掉了。
甜甜的，犹如蜜糖, 却一点也不腻。

谢谢当事人让我那么开心。
简直就是心花怒放！

2008-07-11T01:02:00.002+08:00

i graduated.

alota words. alota thoughts. but i just can't pen them down. they keep buzzing ard, always outta reach.

thanks to geog hons class 07/08. u've all been a wonderful bunch. and those frens who bothered to call / sms / come down. appreciate it frm e bottom of my heart.

2008-06-30T14:47:00.003+08:00

for those who've been wondering: i've finally been granted de bond suspension to continue my masters! after so many mths of waiting!

2008-06-25T01:49:00.002+08:00

i nid to learn how to manage my anger better.

why am i losing control of my feelings time and again.?

i am feeling everything negative. nothing positive seems to be happening. i realli feel like i shld check myself into a monastry. and start studying de teachings of Buddha. and practise them. i am so ashamed to call myself a Buddhist.

i must rmbr all worldly desires r transient. and it includes frenship.

2008-06-06T09:28:00.003+08:00

当你伤心到彻底，你会怎么办呢？

最要好的死党所做的事情真是让你太过伤心了...
伤心到某种想让你完全地把这段友谊放弃掉的地步，真是好辛酸啊...

有些事情真得不能说，真的。

而最可悲的是，你想找一个真正能倾诉的对象，却发现自己的朋友其实少得可怜。

周杰倫 - 我不配

2008-04-28T22:48:00.001+08:00

i loved this song de moment i heard it on jay's album. and it is de highest played chinese song on my itunes now. it was juz another song i liked frm jay. another of those i can play on n on n nvr get sick of.

but tdy while k-ing this song, i felt a lump in my throat. i connected wid de song on a lvl i nvr thought i wld. it was as if i wrote de song.

there is de urge to just break down n cry. but it is still after all, an urge. no breaking down, no crying.

life goes on.

2008-04-14T23:32:00.002+08:00

it is completed finally. handed in. no more editing allowed.

my hands r shaking as i type this wif my entire body shivering. it has been such an experience the past few days that i can barely find the words to say what i want to say. no tears, no depression, no joy, no relief, no anger, no regret, no sadness. i feel void of emotions suddenly. so unlike me. wat happened? i dun know hw i feel really. and this is rare.

just want to thank some people who've been of help these past few weeks. jess has been an incredibly indispensble gem - thanks for sticking by to help out with the referencing and all the last min administrative stuff. my thesis doesn't feel like my own - it's like a shared proj. thanks for proofreading, for commenting earlier drafts etc. i cant thank u enough.

and there is ling. thanks, today, when i asked for help - u immediately agreed with no hesitation. despite ur lack of technical know-how. despite hvg ur own thesis to deal with. thanks for fighting this last academic battle with me, fren.

steph. for de company on msn de past 2 nights. for helping out de content pg at de computer lab. basically i wasn't even worried at all, nor panicking, bcos all of u were panicking for me! yup, and de thanks is extended to leon. shyuan. adrainC. all who helped. i realli can't thank u all enough.

i was prevented a subgrade deduction bcos of these wonderful people. thanks once again.

and tomorrow. i will decide if this thesis is the last one i am ever going to write within these couple of years. before that, back to my bed - haven't been sleeping well for a long time. one more cultural assignment n i will be free (for the time being)!

2008-03-22T13:27:00.003+08:00

i wonder whether i should start blogging all over again? the way i used to. or should i just have an address where i sporadically spew things? like the way this is now.

having loads of problems with my thesis - so much that i dun even wanna talk abt it.

many people in my class have been doing a lot of emo stuff so much so that it turns me off. maybe it's bcos i am not very much into my class either. i miss my csc frenz. i am thankful n grateful to my buddy for initiating a grad trip, n it's gratifying to see everything falling into place nw. although de places aint really where i wan to go, but i guess ultimately de frenz make up for it. u've been thru 4 years tgtr. dat is incredible. who says u cant find real frenz in uni? i did.

of cos, i appreciate my grpmates in my class as well. they anchor me to de class, otherwise i might hv quit de class eons ago. i've learnt to treasure frenz better these 4 years (i hope), esp in de past half a yr. those who'll always ans ur smses n ur calls at de weirdest times. those who'll drop an sms to find out hw u've been. those whom u can strike a decent conversation with, no matter hw long u haven met up. i wish i was gg on de grad trip wid my grp. they've stuck through thick n thin with me in my most academically challenged semester. dat almost feels like i was balancing 2 SPs - a throwback to yr3 sem2.

now all i need is a person to enter my life.

2008-03-11T06:38:00.002+08:00

solitude brings u peace.

i woke up especially early today - trying to hv a change of schedule in my life so dat, who knows i might get dat divine stroke of genius to pull me through!

i like the feeling i had when i was in thailand. living life alone, enjoying it, being in control of a situation, being in control of my life. maybe really, it is bcos i dun get to be myself in singapore. living up to expectations? hw do these expectations arise in de first place? and life for one, is never abt de expected, but rather de unexpected.