for those who've been wondering: i've finally been granted de bond suspension to continue my masters! after so many mths of waiting!

i nid to learn how to manage my anger better.

why am i losing control of my feelings time and again.?

i am feeling everything negative. nothing positive seems to be happening. i realli feel like i shld check myself into a monastry. and start studying de teachings of Buddha. and practise them. i am so ashamed to call myself a Buddhist.

i must rmbr all worldly desires r transient. and it includes frenship.

当你伤心到彻底，你会怎么办呢？

最要好的死党所做的事情真是让你太过伤心了...
伤心到某种想让你完全地把这段友谊放弃掉的地步，真是好辛酸啊...

有些事情真得不能说，真的。

而最可悲的是，你想找一个真正能倾诉的对象，却发现自己的朋友其实少得可怜。

周杰倫 - 我不配

i loved this song de moment i heard it on jay's album. and it is de highest played chinese song on my itunes now. it was juz another song i liked frm jay. another of those i can play on n on n nvr get sick of.

but tdy while k-ing this song, i felt a lump in my throat. i connected wid de song on a lvl i nvr thought i wld. it was as if i wrote de song.

there is de urge to just break down n cry. but it is still after all, an urge. no breaking down, no crying.

life goes on.

it is completed finally. handed in. no more editing allowed.

my hands r shaking as i type this wif my entire body shivering. it has been such an experience the past few days that i can barely find the words to say what i want to say. no tears, no depression, no joy, no relief, no anger, no regret, no sadness. i feel void of emotions suddenly. so unlike me. wat happened? i dun know hw i feel really. and this is rare.

just want to thank some people who've been of help these past few weeks. jess has been an incredibly indispensble gem - thanks for sticking by to help out with the referencing and all the last min administrative stuff. my thesis doesn't feel like my own - it's like a shared proj. thanks for proofreading, for commenting earlier drafts etc. i cant thank u enough.

and there is ling. thanks, today, when i asked for help - u immediately agreed with no hesitation. despite ur lack of technical know-how. despite hvg ur own thesis to deal with. thanks for fighting this last academic battle with me, fren.

steph. for de company on msn de past 2 nights. for helping out de content pg at de computer lab. basically i wasn't even worried at all, nor panicking, bcos all of u were panicking for me! yup, and de thanks is extended to leon. shyuan. adrainC. all who helped. i realli can't thank u all enough.

i was prevented a subgrade deduction bcos of these wonderful people. thanks once again.

and tomorrow. i will decide if this thesis is the last one i am ever going to write within these couple of years. before that, back to my bed - haven't been sleeping well for a long time. one more cultural assignment n i will be free (for the time being)!

i wonder whether i should start blogging all over again? the way i used to. or should i just have an address where i sporadically spew things? like the way this is now.

having loads of problems with my thesis - so much that i dun even wanna talk abt it.

many people in my class have been doing a lot of emo stuff so much so that it turns me off. maybe it's bcos i am not very much into my class either. i miss my csc frenz. i am thankful n grateful to my buddy for initiating a grad trip, n it's gratifying to see everything falling into place nw. although de places aint really where i wan to go, but i guess ultimately de frenz make up for it. u've been thru 4 years tgtr. dat is incredible. who says u cant find real frenz in uni? i did.

of cos, i appreciate my grpmates in my class as well. they anchor me to de class, otherwise i might hv quit de class eons ago. i've learnt to treasure frenz better these 4 years (i hope), esp in de past half a yr. those who'll always ans ur smses n ur calls at de weirdest times. those who'll drop an sms to find out hw u've been. those whom u can strike a decent conversation with, no matter hw long u haven met up. i wish i was gg on de grad trip wid my grp. they've stuck through thick n thin with me in my most academically challenged semester. dat almost feels like i was balancing 2 SPs - a throwback to yr3 sem2.

now all i need is a person to enter my life.

solitude brings u peace.

i woke up especially early today - trying to hv a change of schedule in my life so dat, who knows i might get dat divine stroke of genius to pull me through!

i like the feeling i had when i was in thailand. living life alone, enjoying it, being in control of a situation, being in control of my life. maybe really, it is bcos i dun get to be myself in singapore. living up to expectations? hw do these expectations arise in de first place? and life for one, is never abt de expected, but rather de unexpected.