quick updates on life iii + ramblings

haven done this in a while but i'll try my best, so here goes:

did 2 mods. passed! A- for both. not bad siah. haha. i was expecting B/B+ de. esp geog n social theory. de final research paper i got A wor! haha, so proud of myself.

did ta duties. enjoyed it. i think i'm more prepared for de coming sem (i hope). looking fwd to de reviews! i m a strict proj marker, but v.lenient exam marker. i tink who kena me v.heng loh, for exams. :-) wun do too badly de, although, also wun get A+ lah. haha. proj-wise had an unhappi experience. but well. it's over. no point thinking abt it.

met brenda. our paper might be published. woohoo. hv to refine it. i haven done anything abt it yet though. haha. i discussed stuff with her too - i think i kinda know where i am gg (or perhaps i dun). veri lost when it comes to mt nw. i tink de prob facing most of de others is veri different frm mine. cos my mt is a continuation of my ht. but i scared my mt still stuck in de shadow of my ht. it's quite hard to relate my prob to others cos i tink no one understands. & den at times when i tink abt stuff on public space, i realize dat maybe de whole notion of public space doesn't exist in singapore. wat is public is veri debatable in singapore. hw it is shaped by politics, policies, social norms etc. dat is de tricky part. & cosmopolitanism. geog is so behind when it comes to discussing abt cosmopolitanism. pple in sociology, political sci etc hv been theorizing abt it for ages. wat else can geog add to de development of de theory, other den grounding it? so u nid to noe abt geographic thought, geographic perspective. but wat is dat? spatial thinking? spatial perspective? is all these work on cosmopolitanism even relevant? it's all high level theorizing, but hw do we manifest it exactly on de ground? wat is de future of cosmopolitanism? hw does it work / fit into de asian contxt?

ok i am lost. i was s'posed to do an update. guess this is all. everything is floating in my head.

oh. and i will be heading to las vegas nxt mar. it's official. anyone wans to accompany me? i prefer guy, den can share room, cos currently i got no roommate. got one, but she's a girl. i am shy. haha.

oh. and mt got alota time to think n do anything n everything other den wat u're s'posed to do. i wan to check in to a monastry n learn more abt buddhist teachings. i feel so __________ (can't find de word to describe). i wan to move out, hv my own little pad. just a simple one. someone, help me!

lastly happy new year everyone.

let me.

pls navigate away if u cannot stand vulgarities.

fuck. desktop monitor gone. heng got old one, still can use. reformat desktop, as advised by de technician. was ok. until nw. 3 days later. kena stop error again. fucking hell. nw manage to come in. but duno hw perenial dat fucking problem will be again. damn.

fuck again. laptop speaker spoil. i am quite sure dat is de case bcos when i plug my earphone i can listen! i can plug an external speaker in i tink. but wth. de service pple in hp request dat i do recovery etc, check here check there. damnit. den now. they wan me to reformat my freaking laptop. fuck lah. isn't it straightforward, dat my speaker is spoilt, and shldn't they bring it back to change my speaker instead. fuck fuck fuck. maybe i shld've asserted my stand. reformat liao, damn bloody sianz. hv to update this update dat. wtf.

fuck one last time. fucking weekend. smtimes i wish i was alone. no family. no friends. let me go n wander ard. be a loner. a lone traveller. whether i sleep on de street or i hv aids or i take drugs etc, i wun hv to bother anyone. and no one can come n bother me. fuck fuck fuck. let me. fuck!!!

smtimes u might feel like screaming, baring your heart out to an audience who'd just sit back n listen n understand.

but hv u ever wondered if such an audience existed in the first place?

and... hv u ever wondered what happens if those secrets which u hv kept close to ur heart leaked out as a result of dat urge for ventilation?

u can nvr underestimate the depth of de hurt which these secrets can cost u.

been on a sleeping rampage. it's just madness. and i dreamt...
of fantasies dat'll always remain as fantasies.
of hopes dat'll always remain as hopes.
of fears dat'll always remain as fears.
of dreams dat'll always remain as dreams.

smtimes dreams become so vivd dat u confuse them with reality. prophecies maybe? one of de most incomprehensible moments came when i almost called my phy geog fren to consult her on water bodies bcos i dreamt dat i had to present a paper on water bodies.

dear frens.

i know i m very childish. but i really cannot take it anymore. i need your help.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=be_t20-KWe8

there's this guy universalsongster who condemned my idol, just bcos i was criticizing regine for her singing. i couldn't take it and ended up hvg a really long debate with him.

i nid your help, pls leave some comments, either in my favour, or neutral like wat rise17 and issei10 has done. and flag my comments up n flag universal's down.

i noe this is childish. but but but. sandy is my idol. my childhood idol. and he is obviously so engrossed in his own filipino world. equates filipino to asia. or damnit.

tis is de first time i get so perplexed over an argument in youtube - i did bicker with people before on mariah videos and what not, but yah, this is de first time. and it hits even closer to home cos its sandylam, and de chinese-pop world, and us chinese / asians other than filipinos for dat matter.

i sincerely make an appeal to u guys n girls (i noe its not a lot - my blog has been pretty pte) to help me out. pls. :-)

I heart Sandy Lam.
as i was telling bestest, i can now die without regrets.

all de unhappiness has dispelled momentarily.
thank u bestest!

de research paper dat tracey has set for us is pure madness. i kinda know where i m gg, & wat i m arguing abt, but it seems to be based on wat i tink, rather than wat i know. my reading & digesting speed is way too slow - things onli make sense to me after a very long deliberation. maybe i m stupid. watever it is, it has taken a toll on me, just trying to figure out wat tracey wants & hw my paper shld flow. sigh. and i hv to head back to writing a rationale for my choice of focus for de paper. which is another headache, hvg to justify wat u r doing. faint.

on another note, another thing dat pisses me off is people who hv no stand - they sit on de fence all de time, well almost. these people are just abhorrent. u might as well just die - ur life serves no purpose. and often these people are cowards. and selfish. argh. dun get me wrong - i m ok with sitting on de fence sometimes, occasionally, but not all de time. dats absolutely disgusting.

on yet another note, my friends couldn't stand my accent. i think it's bcos i hv talking dat way de entire day before i met them. oh well. people change. i might become a murderer tmr. dun trust me.

one last note. much as i claim to loathe the academia, i wonder if i will make a return in future. i must say dat despite de stress, i enjoy de perks of getting to jet ard de globe, meeting people from all over de world, observing them especially, and learning. and ur research actually validates ur existence, u noe. oh well.