de research paper dat tracey has set for us is pure madness. i kinda know where i m gg, & wat i m arguing abt, but it seems to be based on wat i tink, rather than wat i know. my reading & digesting speed is way too slow - things onli make sense to me after a very long deliberation. maybe i m stupid. watever it is, it has taken a toll on me, just trying to figure out wat tracey wants & hw my paper shld flow. sigh. and i hv to head back to writing a rationale for my choice of focus for de paper. which is another headache, hvg to justify wat u r doing. faint.

on another note, another thing dat pisses me off is people who hv no stand - they sit on de fence all de time, well almost. these people are just abhorrent. u might as well just die - ur life serves no purpose. and often these people are cowards. and selfish. argh. dun get me wrong - i m ok with sitting on de fence sometimes, occasionally, but not all de time. dats absolutely disgusting.

on yet another note, my friends couldn't stand my accent. i think it's bcos i hv talking dat way de entire day before i met them. oh well. people change. i might become a murderer tmr. dun trust me.

one last note. much as i claim to loathe the academia, i wonder if i will make a return in future. i must say dat despite de stress, i enjoy de perks of getting to jet ard de globe, meeting people from all over de world, observing them especially, and learning. and ur research actually validates ur existence, u noe. oh well.

quick updates on life ii

wk4: got reaction paper back. bad grade. started on new bk "using social theory" - more prescriptive therefore easier to read. had tut - wasn't fantastic & spent a while reproaching my mthds. spent time at wedding. faint.

wk5: did research ppt. wasn't too bad. but lecturer's feedback was that i spoke too fast at times, hence she couldn't catch parts of wat i was saying. attended conference - cool but no papers were given, damnit. and to tink i paid damn $50! and received news dat prof din finish de paper. took over to write de entire paper. i couldn't understand her part at all. so i left it out. passed it back to her. din get to do my reaction paper. i even prepared my resources!

wk6: started to fall sick. even more last min work on paper. irritated to de max with frens whose first comments when hearing dat u are sick is "why u always sick ah?", "u always sick one!" etc. fuck man. as if i wanted?! u dun even appreciate de fact dat i made it for a freaking dinner when i very well coulda juz walked off. hello? i am not obliged to attend outings ok? i am even more NOT obliged to attend outings when i am not feeling well.

recess wk: got better, then worse. managed to recover in time for de workshop. had a good time (thank goodness!). BUT fell sick immed after. forced myself out to meet some other frens, regretted as soon as we left.

an ending note:
i am not obliged, i repeat, to attend outings. neither am i obliged to ur scrutiny. do not expect me to pander to all ur requests - i hate, and i repeat, i hate, hvg to report to someone my every move and action every other hr of de day. i cherish my freedom, i cherish my independence. i hate to be pushed, de more u push me, de more i will rebel, and de frenship will cease sooner or later. give me my space.

people fear uncertainty.
if uncertainty is in fact a form of certainty, then why do people still fear it?

:-)

i'm happy. bcos i am almost no longer sick, i think. almost fully recovered.
i'm happy. bcos the tough times that i am going thru will make me a better man.
i'm happy. bcos of a certain someone who is coming to town, and with whom i am gg to meet soon.

:-p

i can't fathom my existence in nus. research is such a complex thing - it's almost as if i am trying to make sense of a mess. is dat wat life is supposed to be - a mess too?

on a brighter note:
Fred, C.M. ONG is a Masters student and a research scholar majoring in Geography in the National University of Singapore (NUS). He was a recipient of the Singapore Journal of Tropical Geography Book Prize in 2007. He is interested in a wide array of topics including the politics of space, migration in Asian cities, cosmopolitan urbanism, issues of ethnicity and nationality and tourism geographies. Currently his research focuses on debates on public space, low-skilled migrant workers and cosmopolitan urbanism. More specifically he is investigating the attitudes and competencies of Singaporeans towards male migrant workers congregating within public spaces that have not been traditionally regarded as gathering places for these workers, and examining how these spatial perspectives relate to developments within cosmopolitanism studies.

oh. and i am still stuck with the paper. i am so gonna die.
well well. but even if i die, i wan to die with a smile. :-)

ur bf/gf doesn't like pple to be late. so u make a conscious effort nvr to be late for ur dates. bcos u love him or her.

ur parents dun like u to go home late. do u make a conscious effort not to go home late, or do u justify ur going home late with reasons like "i need to send dear home", "i need to catch up with my friends -very long nvr meet liao leh"?
do u love ur parents?

*** ***

if a person's actions go against ur principles, u de-friend him/her.
if a person does something that is in accordance to ur principles, do u den friend him/her?

quick update on my life

wk1: did half de readings for wk2 seminar. cleared abit of admin stuff.

wk2: rushed a reaction paper for wk3 seminar, hence finished only 1 reading. behind time by alot. met BY n discussed some thesis n ism issues. slacked some more. rushed out abstract for BY - oh n i m co-presenting a paper with her for conference! cool!

wk3: prep de snacks for seminar! behind time still, n haven caught up! elections coming up, entire wkend burnt. juz finished tut for changing landscapes. hv to finish my part of de co-paper by fri! omg!!!

frenships r not static. they change.

i used to trust a fren. now i hv second thoughts talking to him, ever since an incident happened two mths back. it is very sad. i treasure de frenship, i realli do. but his actions - alota them lately - hv signaled to me one thing: i dun tink i can trust him as much as i did. i wish this wasn't happening, but it is.

u can be very close to certain people at certain junctures of ur life. yet u will drift away, no matter wat. so, as someone was sharing with me, perhaps we shld always maintain a comfortable distance from others. but i thought good frens hv no distance de? perhaps my conception of frens has always been wrong.

de world is selfish - it is, by nature. selfishness should not be seen as a flaw. it juz means dat u r beng natural.